Report

Well here it is, my final match report. After this I hand over the virtual Stuart Hall Fountain Pen to another scribe - one who I'm sure will not only do the matches complete justice but also mention things that have actually happened in the game.

Timings with * after them were made up. Statements followed by ** are lies.

This report will attempt link up all the disparate and tangential strands over time and somehow make sense of it all. There might even be some awards to hand out...

[Before we get started - Open up another tab on your computer and open Youtube]

If the match had a soundtrack it would be this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bug-hnPxFaY&ob=av3n

Shoulda won it, woulda won it had the chances been taken, coulda won it on another day. Beverley Knight knew more about the league cup final than we might have known.

A bumper crowd, giving me the chance to put three figures into the attendance column for the first time ever, were on tenterhooks, as the pre-match drills showed that although the Lions were a match skill-wise they were no match size-wise for the inhabitants of Brobdingnag (or New Windsor Kestrels Blues).

The game plan was simple: pack the midfield by playing no out and out striker but hope to catch NWKB (almost New Kids on the Block isn't it?) on the break. When Craig Levein did this for Scotland he was roundly castigated by the media but he didn't have Caesar Allcock's nous or cunning. And was Scottish.

In the first minute or so Josh ran through on goal fired in a decent shot, which would have troubled many keepers but young Joe in the New Kids on the Block goal simply patted the ball down and kicked upfield. If he grows 6 inches in the next year a) he'll be picked up by a league club and b) his bone growth will probably be audible. He is a top quality goalkeeper in a league of good keepers.

Our own goalie, Ali, is one of the best keepers in the league also and in the 4th minute* proved why when one of the NKOTBs (that almost looks rude...) cut inside and unleased a shot that looked in all the way until Ali stuck out his strong right arm and deflected the ball onto the crossbar and over.

There were very few chances at either end for the rest of the half. Luke was having a good game on the right, nicking the ball away from defenders and whipping down the flanks. On the left Sim was looking a little ring rusty having replaced Otzi the Iceman after 7 minutes*. Anass was having difficulty getting clear of the attackers and was looking a little harassed and Josh was taking time to adjust to the pace of the game. Neither side was letting the other have any time on the ball.

At the back Cameron and Lucas were pretty solid, much like Cameron Lucas seems to be here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNcgO94ebzo (check out the bouncy castle at 0.33 minutes in).

The second half started much like the first, with Harry getting on for some pitch time. The first notable action in this half was Cameron vaulting the farmer's fence unknown to his mum that it was electrified to 5000V** a bit like this -  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n1pSHzdahc

Soon, Lions started to create chances. The ball was nicked through by Luke and there he was one on one with the keeper. At the same time Sim had been motoring to support. Two against one now. If Luke just draws the keeper and slips it to Sim its 1-0....but instead Luke goes for power and blams it at the goal. Joe pulls off an amazing save. From the rebound Sim swings and Joe saves again - the cavalry are now arriving and Luke has one more squeezed effort before the ball is cleared. 

NKOTB have had a few half chances but no glaring chances. Finally a moment's hesitation in the Lions' defence has the ball bouncing around and Alex, the tallest striker in this or any other league, sticks out a boot and flicks the ball over Ali into the net. 0-1. Lions only a few minutes left to rescue the situation.

Lions now pile forward for the equaliser, whilst still trying to keep a semblance of a defence. Suddenly Luke is clear again and pops up on the right hand side of the area, this time sees Sim and slides the ball across the face of the goal. Sim swings his right foot (usually only used for standing on) - it must be 1-1. NO! Its over the bar!

In final minutes Lions try valiantly to snatch an equlaiser but to no avail. 1-0 to NKWB, a good strong side with a fantastic goalkeeper.

Lions undone by the lack of a finish but not the lack of a heart. Almost like the Wizard of Oz.

So, the final game of the season ends on a slightly flat note but after a campaign over which Lions won not one but two leagues and will be a force to be reckoned with next season in the top flight.

And it's goodbye from me, at the end of a long and winding road that's seen us go from the Praetorian Guard, through the back catalogue of Japan's finest power pop band, Fujifabric, to Otzi the Iceman & the Egyptian Ginger via Paul Nicholas and assorted oddballs on Youtube. My 3 year highlights:

Match of the Seasons: one which coincidentally was against New Windsor Kestrels Blues (today's opponents) which we actually didn't win but ended 2-2 at their Home Park postage stamp. It was the game that had the first headed goal (Josh from a Luke corner) and was the first game where Lions really stepped up to the plate and nearly caused a famous upset (we were two divisions lower than them at the time). Ali saved a penalty, Anass scored a legitimate one that had to be retaken and was then missed and we didn't score a single penalty in the ensuing shoot out! But it had everything. Except the result.

Player of the Seasons: Only one winner for me - Josh. Our very own Bryan Robson (pre-shoulder surgery and bouts of extreme drinking).

Most Improved Player of the Seasons: Lucas

All in all some great times.

Good luck for the future and COYL!